Emotional Abuse in Marriage Relationships and love affairs remains an issue.The Quick way to assess your Relationship is by taking this free self assessment Test to detaimine the status of your relationship and get help.
One psychotherapist once stated,” In my practice, I’ve seen couples come in where it’s pretty obvious there is Emotional Abuse going on in the relationship. I’ve witnessed people literally verbally ‘shut down’ their partner-and the other one shrink away right before my eyes.”
Part of the problem for people who are being emotionally abused is they often don’t realize it because the most dominant form of abuse is physical abuse.
Ask yourself the following questions to test your relationship-you might just be in an emotionally abusive relationship. These are some of the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Is your partner too jealous or possessive towards you?
Does your partner frequently criticize or humiliate you?
Does your partner try to control you by being very bossy or demanding?
Does your partner isolate you from your family and friends?
Is your partner violent and/or loses his or her temper quickly?
Does your partner limit or control your access to money? (Inclusive and consultative budgeting process required)
Do your family friends warn you about your partner or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being?
If your answer to most of the questions is yes, then it may just indicate that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.Emotionally abusive relationships are characterized with extreme jealous, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy,raging,sexual coercion,infidelity,verbal abuse,threats,lies,broken promises and physical violence.
The most common known form of abuse is physical abuse. Emotional abuse can be sometimes a hard thing to identify and recognize, but it is as damaging as physical abuse.
The important aspect of this dynamic is what Dr Lenore Walker originally coined as the "cycle of abuse". This is a repetitive looping which goes on in a relationship and consists of four phases.
Tension Building: The receiver gets that the abuser is upset and takes active steps to placate him/her-(doing something to please them)
Incident: Verbal or emotional abuse occurs-consisting of threats, humiliation, blaming, intimidation and in some case physical fighting.
Reconciliation: abuser apologizes, minimizes the abuse, blames the receiver, denies it occurred and so on.
Calm: No abuse taking place. Often called the "honeymoon phase"
Marriage counselors and any married couples may tell you that this is a normal cycle that every relationship goes through, but this cycle has the effect of eventually breaking the person down emotionally if it’s more recurrent and left unresolved. Abusive relationships are progressive therefore the re-occurrence of the ‘’cycle of abuse’’ might be a warning sign for partners to seek help.
There are many reasons why abusers and their victims get caught in this cycle.
Abusers are often survivors of abuse themselves. When traced back to the family origin, Abusers are often found to have had a chaotic childhood with a perception of little control so they act to pull their partners down to make themselves feel better. Sometimes they witnessed their parents engaged in it because abuse is family dysfunction that repeats through generations. Abusive relationships do not change by chance but require taking sustained steps to change the relationship.
It only takes mutual honesty, openness and willingness from both parties to work through these issues. Joining groups and forums such as a couples grouping at church or community may help a couple break the denial by seeing the relationship patterns from a wider view. Take the necessary steps.
What if the abuser is unwilling to own their behavior and seek help?
Psychotherapists normally recommend that in this case the prudent course of action is to remove yourself totally from the situation. Though painful, but it is generally safer and better for both parties than allowing the ‘’Cycle of abuse’’ to continue, but at the same time be prepared for the abuse to increase after you leave-stepping out of cycle enrages the abuser, as it shatters their illusion of control. (75% of women killed by their abusive partners are murdered after they leave).
Therefore, learn how to protect and care for yourself. Detachment with love is indeed difficult but relationship experts recommend it as the solution if the other partner is unwilling to work towards a better relationship.
If you are trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship, make sure to take steps to protect yourself first if you have to leave. Have a safety plan in place and increase your support network by contacting the relevant local and international agencies to help.Does your relationship pass this test?
Is your marriage in trouble? Get FREE advice. And get a FREE marriage assessment. No strings attached.